Marriage

Feng Tianwei is greeted by fans at Changi Airport Terminal 3 upon her return from the London Olympics August 10 2012. Photo by Nabihah Hashim.

Wow wow wow.

Its been a tumultuous few weeks in the news. There was the joy of Singapores women paddlers scoring two bronze medals in the Olympics of course. But instead of focusing on the superimportant question of the loyalties of our athletes whom we suspect might be secretly rooting for China while standing under Singapores flag on the medal podium wearing our colours we found something even more pressing instead.

Yes we need to find our star paddler a boyfriend.

After all if you believe farfetched Internet rumors exMM Lee came back from the dead just to announce on Sunday in the big letters of front page headlines that what Singaporeans need to do is to GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES. Or the country as we know it will be destroyed.

But how can it be when our star Feng Tianwei who took home the bronze both the table tennis womens singles and womens team does not even have a boyfriend She is in her 20s highly successful fit and athletic. Sure she plays like a man but her coach assures us that she is also girly and feminine and girly just like any other girl. And if someone like her cant find a mate to settle down with how would the rest of us have any hope

So. It is a crisis of NATIONAL IMPORTANCE. Heroically MP Lee Bee Wah also the president of the Singapore Table Tennis Association decided to step in and approached Minister Chan Chun Sing to find a boyfriend for Tianwei.

Minister Chan choked on his food at that. At first. But he soon warmed up to the idea after all as Acting Minister for MCYS he is charged with raising Singapores dismal fertility rate. Sometimes you have to get a little handson.

And what does the lady herself have to say about all this Aside from Wow you guys are more than a little embarrassing to be around dont you think Well she wants a boyfriend who is a Singaporean and b able to speak Mandarin.

So forget National Night this is the real deal Although the Minister has said he will start his search in the Armed Forces I think the Internet would be a better place to find love. Online dating is all the rage these days isnt it

Witness this is me throwing my hat in the ring. Stepping up to bat.

Dear Minister Chan Chun Sing

I would very much like to apply for the post of Feng Tianweis boyfriend. I am a 29yearold woman who is also currently single I am both Singaporean and able to speak Mandarin so I fulfill both of the stipulated criteria. Although I flunked out of the table tennis team in primary school I feel that the fact makes me an even more suitable match for her since unlike in pairing with other athletes she wont have to worry about her partner outshining her and women just cant take that kind of pressure you know Even Olympic medallists. Seriously.

I understand that I am of the wrong gender and therefore do not fulfill the boy definition in boyfriend. However given the day and age that sort of thing should be irrelevant With the success of IVF these days popping out babies should not be a problem. In fact since there will be two wombs involved in this pairing we can instantly double the fertility rate of the union Two babies at the same time instead of one What could be better than that

I hope you will give my application the due consideration it deserves

Yours Sincerely

Miss Hallelujah