Why I Became An Atheist

When I was a little girl I wanted to be Christian.

Growing up my family subscribed to that strange mix I call Chinese pagan culture something which mixed ancestorworship with scraps of Taoism and Buddhism and a larger Chinese mythological pantheon. When I was in upper primary and miserable and lonely I was approached by a teen at a shopping mall while skiving on the way home and given a pamphlet that said I could have order and peace and happiness if I accepted Jesus Christ into my life.

I was eleven. It sounded nice. I took the pamphlet home and hid it in a drawer and decided I wanted to become a Christian when I grew up and moved away from my parents house. Until then I was going to be a secret Christian. I did not have a Bible and I had not read any scripture except for the four Gospels I had pretty much been forced to review for school for English for crying out loud and had subsequently completely forgotten. But I believed in God and I believed that he would somehow save pathetic little me. I even made up a little prayer I would recite to myself in bed sometimes over and over Dear God please forgive me for all the sins I committed today and let me not repeat them again tomorrow amen.

As I said I was eleven. And I was making it up as I went along.